review

review in TEXT: My Tongue is My Own, a life of Gwen Harwood by Ann-Marie Priest

I was very honoured to review Ann-Marie Priest’s wonderful book My Tongue is My Own: A Life of Gwen Harwood for TEXT Journal of Writing and Writing Courses last month. It’s published now and you can read it here.

It took me some time to read and digest this incredible, meticulously researched and detailed biography of one of Australia’s most significant poets of the last century. There seemed a lighthearted wink from Gwen Harwood (and perhaps Ann-Marie Priest too), towards the end, where Priest recounts the poet declaring her hatred for writing reviews: “It seems insulting to praise or dismiss in a few pages work that has taken years to write” (p.313) which sums up my thoughts exactly. For a while I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to do justice to this very accomplished biography! As a result, my review could not be described as succinct but I wanted to give this book the time and attention it deserved, as its author does to her subject.

As a Tasmanian, this book was particularly enjoyable as there are so many familiar names and sites. Gwen Harwood’s Hobart of the 1950s and 1960s was also the Hobart my own parents grew up in. While I was reading it, I asked my father if his parents, who were very much part of the town’s artsy set (his words) at the time, had known the Harwoods. He couldn’t recall, but when I mentioned James McCauley, a close friend of both Bill and Gwen Harwood who is mentioned often in the book, his eyes lit up.

“I bought a car off his widow in 1977,” he said. “Mrs McCauley on Sandy Bay Road. A grey Holden FD. Nice little car.”

I also asked a friend of mine, a writer who lives in New Zealand now but who was raised in Hobart, if she had known Gwen Harwood too. It seemed likely, as she was a budding poet in the early 1990s. She smiled and told me about a workshop Gwen gave at Elizabeth College when she was doing her HSC.

“She read my poem aloud to the group and said she liked the imagery. I then started writing to her. I still remember her address.” Her memories were that Gwen was more than willing to make time for anyone who showed an inclination for writing, which Ann-Marie Priest also mentions. I include these two anecdotes here to illustrate my great amusement at the inter-connectedness of life in Hobart which is still very much a thing - you might not know the individual personally, but you’ll only ever be a few degrees of separation away :)

Thank you again TEXT for asking me to review this amazing book, which I highly recommend to anyone interested in poetry, feminism, twentieth-century Australia, or all three!

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

my favourite books of 2021

As it’s March tomorrow and having a blog post with 2021 in the title signifies being somewhat behind the times, I thought it was time to finish this one which I’ve had sitting in my drafts since…December 2021!

I’m going to switch things up this year and disrupt the structure of previous favourite books of the year posts. I really like how Roxane Gay writes her year-in-reading retrospectives where she writes in depth about a book she really loved, her favourite of the year, and then comes up with pithy one-line summaries for the others she enjoyed.

So, let’s give that a try!

My Favourite Book of The Year

Recipe for a Kinder Life (2021) by Annie Smithers

In what was a less-than-kind year, this book was truly balm for the soul.

In Recipe for a Kinder Life, chef Annie Smithers takes us on a tour of her property in country Victoria where she and her wife Susan are attempting to live as sustainably as they possibly can. They grow food for their own consumption as well as for Annie’s restaurant, and keep a number of animals for their eggs and wool (not to eat). Living this way means having to think about so many things you never need to worry about if you’re a city-dweller who gets all their food from an online supermarket. Things like weather, water, soil health, pest control, to say nothing of the physical labour, planning and daily maintenance that goes into a successful large-scale garden. Annie reminded me of something I too have learned from growing my own food - you have so much respect for the journey a vegetable or fruit takes from seed to table when you’ve grown it yourself, and you’ll never waste anything again.

But this is not just a book about growing your own food, a journey to self sufficiency and how to live the good life. It’s about a kinder, sustainable life in every sense of the word, right down to the hours you work, how you manage your time, how you prioritise, and how you can craft your life around what you value without burning yourself out. Annie shares the lessons she’s learned in this arena, especially after a long career in hospitality and restaurants, which entailed often working unsociable hours. It all comes at a price and Annie encourages you to ask yourself if you’re prepared to pay it.

The book is not instructional or didactic in any way - Annie tells the story of Babbington Park, sharing what she and Susan have done and why, what has worked for them, what hasn’t and what they still have to learn. The reader is free to take from it what they will. But you can’t help but be inspired by Annie’s vision and hard work, and the desires and values she’s designed her life around: to tread gently on the earth, treat resources with reverence, and live in a sustainable and kind way that ripples out beyond your own household.

I have a feeling this book will be a great companion for the next chapter of my own journey to a more self-sufficient, sustainable and kinder life. If you read it, I hope you get as much out of it as I did!

The book everyone was talking about which is 100% worthy of the hype

Sorrow and Bliss (2021) by Meg Mason

A sumptuous, riveting, clever novel with a shock ending that I can’t stop thinking about

From Where I Fell (2021) by Susan Johnston

The book that made me ache with rage and recognition

Dissolve (2021) by Nikki Gemmell

A beautiful and harrowing book set in two places I’ve lived

The Cookbook of Common Prayer (2021) by Francesca Haig

An incredible novel every Australian should read

After Story (2021) by Larissa Behrendt

The book I bought the day it came out and in which I made the most notes and annotations

The Luminous Solution (2021) by Charlotte Wood

A marvellous and moving meditation on nature, politics, art, power and truth

Orwell’s Roses (2021) by Rebecca Solnit

A library book I loved so much I bought my own copy and bought more for friends

The Details (2020) by Tegan Bennett Daylight

The book that changed me

Bowerbird (2018) by Alanna Valentine

A powerful and confronting book I read in one sitting

Misfits: A Personal Manifesto (2021) by Michaela Coel

A gripping, well-crafted tale of domestic bliss gone wrong which I adored from start to finish

Magpie (2021) by Elizabeth Day

A marvellous novel with a bizarre ending set in Tasmania that is also about writing, life, ambition and legacy

Wood Green (2016) by Sean Rabin

A collection of beautifully composed short stories that was arresting and haunting, and surprisingly modern

Tell It To A Stranger (1947, 2000) by Elizabeth Berridge

A book that inspired me to watch a film that has a perfect and moving ending (Big Night)

Taste: My Life Through Food (2021) by Stanley Tucci

A witty and charming romance about identity, language, belonging, and a couple that doesn’t believe in love

A Lover’s Discourse (2020) by Xiaolu Guo

A book that comforted and uplifted as the year came to an end

These Precious Days (2021) by Ann Patchett

my favourite reads of 2020

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To be honest, I still feel like it’s 2020 in many ways! So much of what happened last year is still continuing, in many parts of the world. I feel very lucky to be where I am, and to have made the choices I did when I did.

To my surprise, I did not read as many books in 2020 as I thought I had. Perhaps I wasn’t as diligent about recording them in Goodreads as I had been in other years. I started many books but then abandoned them, or in some cases they were automatically returned to the library before I finished them.

Having trouble focusing was a very 2020 thing, I’ve discovered.

After 2019, I boldly stated that I wanted to read more widely in 2020 and not just for comfort and escapism. That ambition was quickly shelved (no pun intended) as I took comfort and escapism wherever I could find them, like most people.

According to Goodreads, I read 99 books in 2020 - as in 2019, I didn’t really log anything I read for my studies - and of those 99:

  • 6 were re-reads (same number as last year)

  • 56 were non-fiction

  • 7 were poetry collections

  • 36 were fiction

  • 13 were by authors who identify as male

  • 83 were by authors who identify as female

  • 2 were by non-binary people

  • 7 were by people of colour.

I’m only compiling these stats because 1) I’m a stats person and 2) I’m genuinely curious about whether I read as widely and diversely as I think I do. You can’t change what you don’t know and I’m as guilty as the next white person of automatically reaching for books that reflect my worldview. That’s something I’d like to change.

But without further ado, in no particular order, these were my favourite books that I read in 2020, the strangest of years.

Wintering by Katherine May

Wintering is a delightful book that draws parallels with the way the natural world adapts to survive (and even thrive in) winter and the invariable "winters" that human beings go through in life "where you fall through the cracks for a while, and spend a season out in the cold".

In a mix of self-help, memoir and nature writing, Katherine May writes perceptively and quite beautifully about the cyclic nature of life, both in the physical world through the seasons and in our emotional landscape. Far from being bleak and depressing, winter can be a time of renewal and growth. May shares insights from her own "wintering" as well as interviews with other people who have endured extreme cold as well as extreme personal hardships.

It's a book about slowing down, surrendering, learning to be kind to yourself and embrace change, and accepting that life goes through seasons. As May writes, "once we stop wishing it were summer, winter can be a glorious season". And most importantly, like all winters, whether it be the actual season or the hard time you're experiencing, it won't last forever. The season will turn, and you will get through it. It will not always be winter. Spring will come again.

It's the perfect read for any time of year but particularly pertinent in autumn when the nights are getting darker and colder!

Small Pleasures by Clare Chambers

I absolutely adored this book. It drew me in from the first page and had me fascinated until the very end. In fact, I think I gasped aloud when I made the connection between the opening newspaper report and the sad ending I was powerless to stop!

I was a fan of Clare Chambers' earlier books and was delighted to see she had a new one out. If you're after a comforting yet gripping read where you disappear into a different time, into a world so finely drawn and filled with characters you come to care deeply about, then Small Pleasures is the book for you. Highly recommended.

The Woman who fooled the world by Nick Toscano and Beau Donnelly

This non-fiction book read like a thriller. It was so engrossing, I could barely drag myself away from it. The authors are the two journalists who uncovered the truth about Belle Gibson, the Australian woman who founded a multi-million dollar business and an incredible online following by claiming she had cured herself of brain cancer by following a wholefoods diet. If you are interested in the health and wellness space, chances are you’ll have heard of this scandal!

It turns out Belle Gibson never had cancer at all. It was an almost unbelievable deception, and yet somehow she pulled it off. How? And, perhaps more importantly, why? This book delves deep into those two questions and it makes for a real page-turner. It’s an examination of why Belle Gibson was able to successfully fool so many people, providing false hope to genuine cancer sufferers who were desperate to live and be cured, as she supposedly had.

The authors posit that Gibson’s lies and deceit are emblematic of wider failures of our consumerist society - the willingness of big companies such as Apple and Penguin Books to be seduced by an “influencer” with hundreds of thousands of followers, without once fact-checking her claims; a growing distrust of science; and how easy it is to spread misinformation through social media, to name just a few. And were Gibson’s actions the result of psychological issues (nature), of learned behaviours/how she had been raised (nurture), or was she just a psychopath?

It’s a complex, compelling story, tinged with the sad knowledge that there will be many people out there who paid the ultimate price for believing her lies.

Olive by Emma Gannon

Olive is a witty and very relatable novel that centres around a topic I have rarely seen discussed in contemporary women's fiction - not wanting to have children.

Olive is 33, climbing the ladder at the magazine she works for in London (as a former Londoner I enjoyed the setting very much!) and has just broken up with her boyfriend of nearly a decade, because he's ready for kids and she isn't. In fact, she's pretty certain she never wants to have children. This is something she struggles to find understanding about in her immediate circle of friends, and in society as a whole. Everyone has an opinion and most people in Olive's life are confident that she'll change her mind.

If you're a woman in your thirties of the same disposition as Olive, you will find a lot to relate to here. The novel is also an exploration of female friendship and how the lives of Olive and her friends go in different directions, all based on their decisions/desires to become mothers, or not. Emma Gannon captures very well the lonely feeling of being the only one in your group of friends who doesn't have children, even though it's by choice, as well as the more frustrating aspects of your friends' choices being celebrated and prioritised more when yours are questioned, judged or simply dismissed.

I have not ripped through a novel so quickly, nor related so much to a protagonist, for a long time! Any woman in the same boat as Olive will feel recognition, relief and, most importantly, less alone after reading this very enjoyable book. Not enough contemporary literature deals with this choice that more and more women are making, and the feelings of isolation that come with it, so I hope more authors are inspired to follow Emma Gannon's fine example!

Charlotte by helen Moffett

As a die-hard fan of Pride and Prejudice (and Jane Austen in general), having adored the story and characters since I was a child, I have long resisted any sequel or fan-fic by modern writers that involves reimagining this beloved story in any way. It felt like dangerous territory to me, best left alone.

However, after reading Charlotte, I'm beginning to think I've missed a trick. This book very convincingly reimagines that beloved world and characters, through the perspective of a minor character.

Charlotte gives us, as the title suggests, the untold story of Charlotte Lucas and her marriage to Mr Collins. I have long been fascinated by the character of Charlotte, whom many feminist scholars have held up over the years as a character that represents the reality that faced the majority of women, including Jane Austen herself, during that period. As appalled as Charlotte's best friend Elizabeth Bennet is at her decision to marry Mr Collins, a man Lizzy herself has rejected as repulsive, Charlotte's choice is entirely understandable. Whether she loved Mr Collins or even liked him was rather immaterial - for a 'plain' woman, marriage was her ticket out of spinsterhood, being a burden to her family (particularly her brothers who would be honour-bound to support her after the death of their father) and having an insecure future. Love was for those who could afford it.

Charlotte ends up having a very fulfilling life as mistress of her own domain, Hunsford Parsonage, and she and Mr Collins, while still over-effusive and odd, do become a good team, in marriage, life and parenthood. The details of her housekeeping and the fruits (and other products) of the estate are so interesting and enjoyable to read. And there are flashbacks to the scenes we all remember from the original told from Charlotte's perspective (and I appreciated the author's note as to why she reimagined some scenes in a certain way), so this tale is very much anchored in that universe and convincingly so. I particularly enjoyed the reappearance of Lady Catherine de Bourgh and the evolution of Anne de Bourgh's story, another minor character from the original who is brought to life and given a lot more to do in this story. It was also highly amusing to hear the fate of Lydia Bennet/Wickham!

About two-thirds of the way through, the story takes a bizarre turn which I didn’t think worked (and many other reviewers agree, I’ve noted). If you can get past that, it is still a wonderful, enthralling read that I would highly recommend to anyone who loves Pride and Prejudice but, like me, feared that reading a reimagined version of it might ruin the original. Far from it.

Life in Pieces by Dawn O’Porter

I love Dawn and her hilarious writing. And even though our lives are very different - I'm not a celebrity living in LA, married to an actor, wrangling two kids and a menagerie of crazy animals - the stories she shares are incredibly relatable.

Life in Pieces is Dawn's diary of lockdown in 2020 - she is coping with all the pandemic madness in the US, coupled with homeschooling her two children, missing the UK and her friends and family there, and trying to keep up with her own writing and workload.

Alongside the world's very public grief and unravelling, Dawn is dealing with her own very private grief and dismantling of a world she knew. Just before the pandemic hit, she lost a close friend to suicide and she finds the forced isolation of lockdown conjures up many past griefs too, particularly the loss of her mother to breast cancer when she was very young.

That said, it's also pant-wettingly funny in places, in trademark Dawn style! She is refreshingly honest about her dependence on alcohol (I found myself craving a margarita once or twice while reading this!) and recreational drugs to get her through the days, and about the antics of her two young sons and pets, and about the pressures of living life in the public eye.

It's an intense read and I probably shouldn't have read it before bed (!) - it's very visceral in places and at times I felt like I'd had a few weed gummies myself!

But ultimately, this book is a tribute to human resilience and how we can carry on in the face of confusion, fear and heartbreak. When life as we know it ends, we can persevere, we can find things to bring joy to every day, and we can still be kind and curious.

How to be Australian by Ashley Kalagian Blunt

I read this book in a day and a night, not wanting it to end. As you all probably know, a bit over two years ago I returned to live in Australia after over a decade in the UK, and while I haven't regretted that decision for a second, it has been quite the transition.

I find this wonderful country very strange at times - and struggle to explain these strange things to my equally befuddled British husband - so to read a memoir about life in Australia from a new Australian's point of view (Ashley is Canadian) was a very affirming experience.

Ashley captures perfectly the adrift feeling of life in a place that you want to belong to but can't quite find your place in. And so many of her adventures are absolutely hilarious! Highly recommended.

UNICORN BY AMROU AL-KHADI

This is a magnificent memoir that deserves a very wide audience indeed.

Amrou Al-Kadhi tells the story of how they grew up in a strict Iraqi Muslim family, in both the Middle East and in the UK, and struggled to fit into any box, norm or expectation, either from society or their family, from a very early age. Highly intelligent, talented and sensitive, Amrou fights racism and prejudice on a daily basis at their public school (showing that Eton is full of the bellends I always suspected it to be!) and hides their true self from their family, having already experienced some profoundly heartbreaking parental judgement and rejection.

At university, Amrou discovers drag. All of sudden, their true self has an outlet and life takes on new meaning and colour...and new complications as well.

I was so moved by this memoir. I can't relate to most of Amrou's experiences, nor to the common experiences of a queer person negotiating uncertainty, fear and trauma, but I certainly can relate to feeling misunderstood and rejected, especially by those we love, and the struggles to find and let our true selves shine through, and to feel safe doing so. Amrou writes with humour, wisdom and insight on what was a very painful journey but now they have found a level of self-acceptance, self-love and peace. This is a book that manages to be brutal and beautiful at the same time. Highly, highly recommended.

THROAT BY ELLEN VAN NEERVEN

One of the upsides to the 2020 lockdown was bookshops holding their launches and events online, which meant I could attend a book launch in Brisbane from my study in Hobart! One of them was the launch of this amazing collection.

Ellen Van Neerven is a skilled and lyrical poet who manages to untangle and distil the messy politics of this fractured, unreconciled land we call Australia, and the experience of being a Bla(c)k queer person within it. Van Neerven has mastered blending the personal with the political - the poems are imaginative (I particularly loved the treaty with the reader) and capture not just big issues of climate change, racism and colonialism, but also love, connection and the more quotidian aspects of life. There was so much to absorb in this collection and Ellen Van Neerven is fast becoming one of my favourite poets.

As always, I’d love to hear your favourite reads of 2020 too!

if you want eternity you must be fearless: my favourite reads of 2016

Let's get something out in the open straight away - 2016 was a sucky old year in many, many respects and I for one was not sorry to see the back of it. This year, 2017, already feels lighter, like the heavy energy of the last twelve months has lifted. That said, there are still a few loose ends to be tied up and one of them was deciding on my favourite reads of the year and sharing them on the old blog, as has become a Phil Tradition.

I thought it would be hard to narrow down, as always, but for a change there was a clear winner....the book I was most excited about in 2016 and most enjoyed reading, in fact I enjoyed it so much I read it twice in two months, was The Museum of Modern Love by Heather Rose (Allen and Unwin, 2016).  It hasn't been released in physical form in the UK, so last September when one of my best friends was visiting, she brought me a copy over, mere weeks after release! 

The Museum of Modern Love by Heather Rose

The Museum of Modern Love by Heather Rose

Heather is one of my heroes. She has been publishing wonderful, exquisitely written fiction, for adults and children, for the best part of two decades now. Whenever someone has asked me in the past to name my favourite writers, and I listed Heather among them, nine times out of ten they wouldn't have heard of her. But this novel is getting her some much deserved and long overdue attention in Australian literary circles - in fact, it's been shortlisted for this year's Stella Prize.  (UPDATE: it won!!)

"I think art saves people all the time."

The Museum of Modern Love seems like such a simple story on the surface, but Heather Rose is in fact threading together many, multi-layered, complex themes and ideas, highlighting that simplicity is often a guise for the most complicated things, art most of all.

Intertwined with a unique exploration of art - what it is, what it isn't, how do you get it to mean something, how does the public's reaction to it influence its meaning and power - is a story about love, loss, grief, heartbreak, betrayal and, most of all, courage. 

The novel takes place against the backdrop of a real life event - the three-month performance of 'The Artist is Present' by Marina Abramovic in New York City in 2010. For those who don't know, the piece involved the artist sitting still for 7 hours a day and inviting members of the public to sit opposite her. There was no interaction in the traditional sense - no touching, no speaking - but artist and audience member sat opposite each other and held eye contact, for however short or long a time as the audience member wanted, or could bear. Many found it a very moving experience and came back again, to sit opposite the artist, and to be seen by her. 

"She watched as the final hours of The Artist is Present passed by, sitter after sitter in a gaze with the woman across the table. Jane felt she had witnessed a thing of inexplicable beauty among humans who had been drawn to this art and had found the reflection of a great mystery. What are we? How should we live?"

In The Museum of Modern Love, a fictional tale unravels about several people who find themselves witnessing, or participating, in Abramovic's performance and how it affects their lives. The central character is Arky Levin, a celebrated composer of film scores, who is grieving for his terminally-ill wife who hasn't physically died yet but, out of supposedly wanting to spare him grief, moved herself into a care facility and cut off all contact with him.  His 22 year old daughter also seems to want little to do with him. Unsurprisingly, Arky finds inspiration is eluding him. Arky somehow ends up at "The Artist is Present" and, over the course of the next three months, watches the performance unfold and various aspects of his life untangle in response. 

I loved the insight into the creative process from perspectives other than writing and acting - the visual arts, architecture, music composition. For a novel, it is a remarkable manual for artists. It even opens with Marina Abramovic's "Seven Steps" (which I now have pinned on the wall above my writing desk).

Therefore, for me, The Museum of Modern Love is almost a manifesto. Heather Rose is asking us, as we read, to think about art and how we connect with it. Connection, after all, as shown through the interweaving stories of all the novel's characters, is what matters, and art is one of the most powerful ways we can connect with each other. But it takes courage to connect, because in reaching out, in asking to be seen, we make ourselves vulnerable. That is art too. Making art is an act of courage. Therefore, live (and create art) with courage. That is the key ingredient.

This is an original, beautiful and utterly compelling novel. I never tire of Heather's writing - to me, her words are like fine wine, only improving with time.

"Art will wake you up. Art will break your heart. There will be glorious days. If you want eternity you must be fearless."

But wait, there's more

There were so many other books I read in 2016 that I loved, that gave me great comfort, that made me laugh and think, that have been consigned to shelves all within easy reach so I can refer to them again. Here are a few of them!

A Notable Woman by Jean Lucey Pratt

A Notable Woman by Jean Lucey Pratt

 

I did a lot of research for my current work in progress, which involved reading a lot of war diaries, biographies and history texts about 1940s London. The best of these were A Notable Woman by Jean Lucey Pratt (Canongate, 2015) and Millions Like Us by Virginia Nicholson (Penguin, 2012). 

Jean Lucey Pratt was a lifelong diarist who also contributed to the Mass Observation project. Her collected diaries - A Notable Woman - cover nearly her whole life, from her first diary as a child in the 1920s to her old age in the 1980s. She was my age during the second world war and her diaries of course focus on those events but also her daily life and concerns, her dreams, anxieties and longings which for the most part remained unchanged by the war and all its dramas and hardships. She was still a woman who was figuring out who she was and what she wanted, and often pondered about all the what ifs, missed chances and the might-have-beens. It made me realise that the only thing that distinguishes each decade in history is technology - the human heart, with all its wants and needs, remains the same. I enjoyed her later years as much as I did the war years. She was funny, brave and inspiring. This book was a joy to read.

Millions Like Us is also a fascinating read, following the lives of a dozen women of various ages and backgrounds and the changes inn their lives over the course of the second world war.....and, most interestingly for me, what happened once peace came. The seeds of the feminist revolution that came a few decades later were sown, but many were keen for life to resume as it was, which made things very complicated. It was absolutely enthralling to read and an impressive piece of work, I highly recommend it.

Nobody Told Me by Hollie McNish

Nobody Told Me by Hollie McNish

Another of my favourite reads of last year was Nobody Told Me (Blackfriars, 2016), a poetry collection by Hollie McNish, which has since won the 2016 Ted Hughes Award. It is a collection of stories, taken from diaries the poet kept during her pregnancy and the early days and years of her daughter's life, of being a young parent in modern Britain. To put it simply - everyone should read Nobody Told Me. Parents, people who want to be parents, and people who don't want to be parents. Those who are and do will feel some solidarity and understanding, those who don't will have their ignorance smashed to smithereens. After reading this book you'll never think 'why would you bring a child on a train at peak hour?' ever again. Hollie's voice is mesmerising, raw, vulnerable, honest, and full of joy. I applaud her and her bravery.

The Course of Love by Alain de Botton

The Course of Love by Alain de Botton

I was also blown away by The Course of Love by Alain de Botton (Simon & Schuster, 2016). Known for his wonderful works of non-fiction, this time de Botton has written a novel that follows the relationship of Rabih and Kirsten over, as the title suggests, the course of their love.

This isn't your typical novel, that's for sure. It reads like a case history in parts, like philosophy in others, and there are other sections where  the writing is very lyrical indeed. Whichever genre you think it might fit best, it is a stunning exploration of what it takes to have a successful long term relationship. I think we all know that falling in love is easy. It is the maintaining of that love over the long term, over the course of our lives, that is the real challenge. 

Basically, the Romantic notion of love is what sets so many of us up for a fall. Romance is only part of the story. We are ready for marriage, de Botton writes, when we are prepared to love rather than be loved and compatibility, he explains, is an achievement of love - it shouldn't be a precondition. 

The exploration of this particular marriage between Rabih and Kirsten covers pretty much everything - disillusionment, loss of desire, adultery, "immature rages, late-night threats of divorce, sullen silences, slammed doors and everyday acts of thoughtlessness and cruelty", as well as the loneliness and fear of being vulnerable that can be felt in long term relationships. Alain de Botton has a voyeur's eye as he zooms in on Rabih and Kirsten, going beyond their physical bodies and into their hearts and minds, where he can see everything and how their past experiences, childhood traumas, their earliest experiences of love and what it meant and how you were supposed to show it, are now playing out in their marriage.  

There are many truths in The Course of Love, some of which (having been through a divorce and now having been repartnered for nearly a decade) I knew very intimately. Some of de Botton's observations were so accurate they made me squirm a little. I highlighted a lot of passages on my Kindle version!

Ultimately, I came away from reading this wonderful, wise book feeling reassured and comforted. Human beings are complicated and no relationship is perfect. Love can be quite messy, entailing a lot of compromise, and de Botton's stance is that you can only ever really love and make a success out of a long term relationship if you are prepared to accept that your partner isn't perfect and inevitably they will disappoint you. So much of our disillusionment in life comes from expecting people (not just our lovers, our friends and families too) to be mind readers and meet our needs without our ever having to articulate them, so we need to take a bit more responsibility for ourselves and our own happiness, rather than pour all our hopes into one person.  Also, the occasional blips that you might worry about are actually far more common than you think (well, that, or Alain de Botton must have had my house bugged at some point!).

I think this book should be compulsory reading for anyone thinking about getting married. Having got divorced at 26, when I remarried at 29 I think I definitely went into it with my eyes wide open and with realistic expectations - spare yourself what I went through in my first marriage to get to that point, however, and read The Course of Love instead! 

I could go on about all the books I read and enjoyed last year - if you want to see them, and what I'm reading on a more regular basis than once a year, I am on Goodreads and you are welcome to add me as a friend! 

The best book of 2017 so far? For me, it would have to be Between A Wolf and A Dog by Georgia Blain. I read it in the first few days of January and the poetic and moving experience of reading it I hope bodes well for the rest of my reading year (it has so far). 

What was the best book you read in 2016?