this week

A sourdough donut eaten the sun in a quiet, leafy corner of a city park is a pleasure I don’t indulge in enough.

On a current hiatus from social media, I’m finding myself wanting to blog more. So I thought I’d try something different here and do a little newsletter-like update of things I’ve done and thought about during the week.

So without further ado, this week I’ve been:

Grateful for

My health and my safety. To live somewhere untouched by severe floods and war. Moving back home has not been without its challenges, but there hasn’t been a single day that I’ve not been unbelievably grateful to be here. I don’t feel I have anything of value to add to the horrific, terrifying events currently unfolding both in Australia and overseas. But there are many ways we can help.

In awe of

Olia Hercules, Alissa Timoshkina and all the food writers in the UK who have banded together for #CookForUkraine. I have Hercules’ first book Mamushka on order.

The community in Mullumbimby who are coordinating an incredible local rescue operation in their flood-ravaged region, where landslides and broken roads have left countless people stranded. This was sobering reading.

Reading

An old favourite, What Helps by Satya Robyn, a book I often turn to when things feel overwhelming.

I discovered the American poet Jane Hirshfield in January and have just finished her 2020 collection Ledger. How her poems manage to be so confronting as well as consoling I do not know, but I loved every minute I spent with them.

Devotion by Hannah Kent, a writer of beauty and integrity who never disappoints me, whose lyrical power keeps growing and growing, and whom I’ve been fortunate enough to interview!

A pile of Flow magazines I “borrowed” from my sister.

Listening to

My inner autumn and inner winter playlists on TIDAL.

James and Ashley Stay At Home: How to remake the world with Sarah Senteilles, author of Stranger Care

Writes4Women: Heart of Writing, Nikki Gemmell on her new memoir, Dissolve

The Diary of a CEO: Fearne Cotton, THIS is how to build confidence and set yourself free

Wild with Sarah Wilson: All the Ask Me Anything episodes

Ludovico Einaudi, Max Richter, Nils Frahm, Sophie Hutchings - all their albums, on repeat, always. Perfect writing music.

Eating

The Nacho Average Nachos from Charity Morgan’s amazing book Unbelievably Vegan - this is the fourth time I’ve made them in two weeks. It’s our new favourite summer meal! Lots of prep, admittedly, but you get enough of the fixins to get about 8 servings out of them. The queso is quite out of this world. Everything I’ve cooked from Charity’s book has been delicious but this dish has been the stand-out so far.

I made Tasmanian culinary icon Sally Wise’s vegan coconut blackcurrant ice cream which turned out beautifully. I was delighted my basic ice cream maker I bought in 2013 still works! I will experiment with a salted caramel flavoured one next.

There’s also been our standard pizzas on the barbecue (I will write you the recipe at some point as they deserve a post of their own), this new favourite zucchini pasta, and as I’ve had a few nights working late, curry from the freezer!

Picking

I grew these!

Strawberries, chard, kale, spinach, a few figs, a handful of tomatoes. I also finally successfully grew my own garlic! The green beans are back with a vengeance so I’ll look forward to picking those next week. The potatoes are also starting to look ready to dig up, but they might be a few weeks more yet.

Watching

Pam and Tommy (Disney+) - I really didn’t think this would be for me, but I am OBSESSED. Also adoring all the 90s music.

The Electrical Life of Louis Wain (Amazon Prime) - not only starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Claire Foy, but Taika Waititi and Nick Cave as well, so what’s not to like? A biopic about a little-known (to me at least) eccentric inventor and artist in Victorian London that is hilarious, sad and utterly charming. A refreshingly diverse cast too. We loved it!

Wearing/applying

This jumpsuit from local Tassie designer Keshet which has elicited many comments from friends and strangers alike. You can see it in the first photo with the donut too!

This is my SPF - I wear it every day, in every season.

This is the perfume I wore this week that got the most “you smell great” remarks.

Thinking about

Covid. Floods. Incompetent public officials. Ukraine. Peace. War. Mental health. Climate change. Insecure housing. All the biggies.

Favourite experience/s of the week

Spending time with my sisters - I had dinner with one and her family on Saturday and got a pedicure with another on Sunday, such little things I couldn’t do for many years - and going for a run on Tuesday morning after we’d had heavy rain the night before, inhaling the incredible scent of dripping eucalypts. I also got a Wordle in two guesses (that’s only happened twice).

Same time next week? Wherever you are, I hope you’re well and finding things to savour. Thanks for being here xx

quitting social media: an experiment

At the start of January 2022, I decided to have a somewhat permanent break from social media.

I didn't announce it nor did I particularly plan it ahead of time - it was a combination of the lingering effects of some stressful events at the end of 2021 to top off what had not been a vintage year anyway; and despair at what felt like a maelstrom of anger and fear everywhere I looked online around the time of the omicron surge in Australia. For my mental health, I knew something needed to change.

I was also increasingly dissatisfied with how many hours I knew I was losing to basically what is the psyche's equivalent of the pokies.

Don’t get me wrong, I think there are some great aspects to social media. It’s not a bad thing in itself. But what many of us don’t appreciate is that the companies who own the platforms (Facebook/Meta/Zuckerverse, etc) designed them deliberately to be as addictive as possible. Therefore, trying to get some semblance of balance in your usage of social media is so much harder than you’d think.

So, I disappeared. Cold turkey.

Has anyone noticed? I have no idea! But what I have noticed is an incredible difference in my mental health, my stress levels, my equilibrium, my energy, and my creativity. It might be a combination of other changes I’ve made (more about those later) but I can’t recall ever feeling this clear-headed in my entire adult life.

Connection with others is what fuels me. And I value the connections I’ve made on social media over the years very much. But many of them have been taken offline - I now have two penpals who live in Melbourne, both of whom I follow on socials, but during the lockdowns we started writing letters to each other, which we’ve continued. As a result I know far more about what is really going on in their lives than what they choose to share publicly on their grids - and likewise they know far more about what’s really going on with me. That is real connection. That is what I want more of.

The video below (please forgive the portrait mode it was shot in, I know it should be landscape!) is a little stream-of-consciousness ramble I recorded three weeks into my break. Another month has passed since I recorded this and I still feel no real need to return. I am missing the connection and interaction with others but I know with a bit of effort this can be sourced elsewhere. And I think more and more people are catching on. Perhaps blogging is about to have a big renaissance.

Stay tuned. This is an interesting, and exciting, experiment. 

• VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

  Hello everyone! It’s the thirty-first of January, which means I have been off social media for three weeks today. And, as I've alluded to in previous videos, I've been so surprised by the fact that I haven't missed it at all.

  I feel calmer, I feel less panicked, I feel less anxiety, I don't feel as angry or tense or on edge. I don't feel like my attention or focus is compromised. I feel clearer in the head and more alert. I've been able to choose where my energy goes and that's incredibly empowering.

  I really thought that I had a handle on my social media habits. I really thought that I chose when I looked at these various platforms, that I chose the time of day or the period of time that I allowed myself to have a look but I really didn't appreciate how many hours each day I was clocking up, refreshing and losing time when there wasn't really anything new to see and, more to the point, there wasn't anything new for me to say or share! It was just very basic stuff that I'm not sure people are really all that interested in and it's not content I want to devote my precious time and creativity to. I want to use my creativity for my creative work and so to have this time back, this brain space back, feels like such a gift.

  And it was a gift I was able to give myself with basically no effort. All I had to do was make the decision. It's amazing what a transformation it has been.

  I didn't realise that the average social media user spends 2.5 hours a day on the various platforms – that’s 15-18 hours a week? That's a part time job! So when you think about it that way, that’s 15-18 hours a week that you could get a part time job, that you could use to learn an instrument, to train for a 10K, to write a novel, to build websites, to exercise, to start a garden, to spend time with your family - all of these things that we think we don't have the time to do, we actually do but it's making a choice to use your time consciously and to make conscious choices. That’s something that I have advocated publicly for a very long time, but it was always within the health and fitness context. I’m slowly appreciating that making conscious choices is something that effects every aspect of our lives - physical health, mental health, wellbeing, financial freedom, financial health, career, everything! We have far more choices than we think we do. We have more power than we think we do.

  I guess as I've gotten older, my life is just more and more about wanting to live in integrity and really wanting to live my values. Having had this little time out to figure out what those values are and articulate them for myself and know deep within what I want to stand for and how I want to spend my time and the difference I want to make…if everyone could have this kind of epiphany, I wonder what kind of world we’d live in.

  I'll leave it there for now. I don't know when I'm going to go back on these things. I don't know if I'll go back at all! We shall see. Thank you for listening.

Would you like to share your thoughts on this post with me? Please do - I’d love to hear from you!

life lessons

Today I found a poem (well, I called it a poem - collection of thoughts might be more accurate!) I wrote when I was 27. I’m now 40, and I think the advice it contains has stood the test of time.

Me in Hyde Park, age 27. Photo taken by Tom, my then boyfriend, now husband of 11 years.

If it sounds too good to be true
it probably is.
Pick your friends wisely.
Never take happiness for granted.
Try to finish what you start.
Don't sneeze too loudly
in public.
Wear lipstick on Sundays.
Remember you don't have to fake it
when you're with the right person.
There is nothing that can stop you,
short of death.
Recycle.
Smell strawberries,
roses and clean hair
with equal delight.
Drink water.
Have more books than clothes.
Always offer.
Buy a good coat.
Say please.
Don't rent a flat when you can see
rat bait in the kitchen.
A good bolognaise needs red wine.
As does cheese.
Take a day off. Don't be afraid to ask
for what you want.
But don't do it just because you can.
Write only, and flamboyantly,
with a fountain pen.
Wear sunscreen.
Say thank you.
Smile at people on public transport.
You'll either brighten their day,
or confuse them.
Find some stars for your sky.

40 things i've learned about life, now i'm 40

1. If you don’t own it - your life, your past, your story - it will own you.

2. The messiest times in life are often, looking back, the most interesting and nearly always a source of growth. Hold your nerve, stay the course. Trust it will all work out.

3. A life filled with magic, adventure and fun does not just happen. You have to make the choice to cultivate those things in your life, every single day.

4. Playing small doesn’t serve you, only the people around you who want you to stay that way.

5. “See what happens” is not a cop-out, it’s a way of taking the pressure off. Letting things evolve naturally is a lesson in grace and patience.

6. You can't change anyone. People only change because they want to and there’s got to be something in it for them to do it.

7. We all have a choice in how we want to live - the trick is to make conscious choices rather than unconscious ones.

8. Tables always turn.

9. It is possible to be strong and fragile at the same time. Both are courageous.

10. Change is what it is. It’s all about how you negotiate it.

11. Anyone who believes gossip and lies about you before hearing your side of the story was already looking for a reason to be against you. Let them go.

12. Protect your mental health and inner peace by any means necessary. You never have to apologise for protecting yourself.

13. Old ways will rarely open new doors.

14. Perspective is everything (thank you Sandi Sieger).

15. Your passions are not accidents. They are the clues to where you will find meaning in life. Embrace them. Follow them.

16. Three things always come out - the sun, the moon, and the truth.

17. You have to go out on a limb in life, because that’s where the fruit is. Corny but true!

18. There are many universal needs that human beings have - one of them is to feel appreciated. Showing gratitude, for others and for life, as often as you can is an instant mood lifter.

19. Love will never feel like love unless you also love yourself.

20. Comparison is the quickest route to despair.

21. No is a complete sentence. And you can say it - just do it politely and fast.

22. Most people deserve a second chance. But no one deserves a third (see point 12).

23. Likes and follows are empty calories that never satisfy. Find what really feeds you instead.

24. There is no shinier, more successful, more likeable, more accomplished, more together you waiting in the future. You are only you, now. You are only ever here. Accepting that will make life so much easier, and sweeter.

25. Confidence doesn’t come from achievements, it comes when you decide to have it. Confidence is a choice.

26. So is self-pity.

27. You are the only one who can give yourself what you’re seeking from others.

28. When change comes, it’s likely that opportunity will also knock at the door. Keep an ear out.

29. Nothing is forever - pain or joy.

30. Boundaries will protect you, and allow you to love and give more freely. Without them, you will be constantly resentful and disappointed.

31. It’s amazing what can happen when you drop all your expectations and attachment to an outcome.

32. Continuing to choose joy in the face of adversity is an act of courage and resistance (thank you Holly Ringland).

33. Meanings of words change all the time. “Success” is probably the most mercurial. You do not have to hold yourself hostage to past definitions if they no longer serve you.

34. You can endure a lot more than you think you can.

35. If it makes you happy, it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else.

36. Slow progress is still progress.

37. It is possible to one day laugh in places where you used to cry. Know that you can always change the story.

38. Failure and defeat are better judges of character than success.

39. Fighting ageing is a battle no one has ever won, and getting older is a privilege denied to so many. Look forwards, not backwards.

40. When in doubt, be bold, generous, loving and unafraid.

deep breaths

I’m not usually awake before the alarm (or Tom) but I was today. I left my phone where it was, charging in my study.

I went straight outside to my garden and meditated, without the app, without the timer. Deep breaths.

I did my morning pages. Had a coffee and watered the garden. Marvelled at the new leaves and pods that two days of heat has produced in my garden. No podcast, no music, no distractions. Just the relative peace of my street waking up for the day. Birds cackling to themselves in the trees. Deep breaths.

I just wanted to savour whatever window of time I could snatch where I didn’t know what had happened and anything could still be possible.

I think I’d like to start every day like this. Only without the gut-churning anxiety!

Sending a huge hug to everyone who needs one today.